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We don’t fight flesh and blood, but that’s where the enemy takes it. The enemy knows the perfect time to attack relationship. — Keith Ferrante
We know this, right?! Scripture tells us this this truth: Our battle isn’t against people.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12)
BUT …let’s have some real talk. OK? ok… sometimes it feels like we are battling people. I mean, it’s people that hurt us. They make assumption, throw accusations in our direction, get offended, are unkind or are just plain hurtful with their words or actions.
We don't battle against people, we battle unseen forces of darkness. Share on X
Relationships are hard under normal circumstances but bring in brokenness and unhealthy relational tendencies and it gets messy. The enemy knows this. He knows when it’s the perfect opportunity to attack. Sometimes subtly, sometimes direct. No matter how it comes, when you are in the midst of it, it is hard to remember, it’s not the person, it’s the enemy at work behind the scene.
Have you ever noticed that these relationship attacks come right as you are ready to step out into something new, or do something important for the Kingdom? Or is that just me?
This #truthbomb from Keith Ferrante is a great reminder, as to why and when the relationship attacks come.
Keith was reminding a group of leaders, that attacks are going to come, but to remember it’s not the person. No matter how much we feel like it is. He went on to share a story about a time when he was pastoring and about ready to lead an important ministry time, when a person very close to him dropped a bomb. Well, not just a bomb, the person verbally attacked him, his ministry, and listed everything they didn’t like about the church and the way he ran things. This “friend” went on to say, their family was leaving the church and walked out. Keith felt like he had spears thrust into him and his heart. The friend walked away and he was left bleeding on the floor.
As I listened to this story, I knew exactly how he felt. It was all to familiar to me and has happened more than once. It is not something, I would wish upon anyone. It’s rough, plain and simple yet, we have to remember, we don’t fight flesh and blood. The enemy is on attack and he’s coming at us via relationships.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8 NIV)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy… (John 10:10a NIV)
So, how do we deal with assault on our relationships ?
I think we would all agree, we want to thrive in relationship and not just merely survive.
Let's purpose to #thrive in #relationship and not just merely survive Share on X
No matter how much pain and hurt we have experienced, we need to take steps to heal and move forward.
Below are 4 necessities to implement so you can survive relationship attacks.
Forgive
Forgiveness is a choice. When we forgive, it frees us to walk in freedom and make good choices moving forward.
Forgiveness also releases God to move on your behalf.
Be Unoffendable
We must remember that offense and discord is the bait of satan. As John Bevvere would say, don’t take the bait. Choose to become unoffendable no matter what.
Choose Relationship
We remember that communication and healthy confrontation is ok. As Danny Silk would say, we choose to keep our love on. We choose relationship over disconnect.
Pursue Healing
We need to actively pursue to heal the broken areas in our life. We all have then, and when they come up, choose to take care of them right away and not sweep them under the rug. As a leader, I also tell people, you can’t take others where you are not willing to go. We need to be willing to pursue healing in our life so that we can be the best version of who God created us to be.
We need to get healthy. I am sure you have heard the saying, “hurting people hurt people.” We don’t want that statement to be said of us. We need to commit to deal with our own brokenness and unhealthy relationship tendencies and choose connection and community.
We move past relationship issues through healing. Share on X
I’m not saying it is easy. Trust me, I know. I have been walking through a season where it seems relationships close to me are under attack. I have been left bleeding on the floor and still have to fulfill ministry obligations and walk in obedience to God. It would be all to easy to sweep it under the rug and move on, but wisdom and experience have taught me, the only way to move past it, is to heal. I need to face the hurt and release it to God. I need to walk in forgiveness, choose the higher ground and trust God.
Which one of these 4 things seems the most difficult to you?
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Well, it is evident people are in summer vacation mode. Everyone is looking for some good summer reads and the most viewed post from last week was from Lisa over at Lisa’s Notes. She gives her top 7 book recommendations. Thanks Lisa, you’ve got a great list of books for us to choose from.
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Debbie Kitterman is a natural born encourager who is on fire for God. She is passionate about equipping individuals, so they can go deeper in the relationship with God, reach their God-potential and claim their Kingdom inheritance. Debbie is a wife, mother, author, pastor, speaker and the founder of “Dare 2 Hear,” a ministry that trains individuals to hear the voice of God. She travels to churches internationally and is the founder and teacher of d2htraining.com, an online course designed to equip the believer in releasing God’s heart. Her writing and teachings inspire faith and build bridges for people to believe and expect the impossible. She is also an ordained Foursquare pastor, currently serving with her husband, John, as senior pastor of Restoration Church in Lacey, Washington. Learn more at: www.debbiekitterman.com
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Debbie,
I love your advice and I need to challenge myself to be “unoffendable.” It’s so easy become offended by someones words, actions, even tone or body language. I try to remember that the battles are not of this world, they are of the spiritual realm. Hurt people, do indeed, hurt people. Thanks for the challenge to look below the surface and seek reconciliation and healing.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Thank you Bev! I too need to work more on being unoffendable. It seems like it is a very thin line between not being offended and offense. You are most welcome for the challenge, it’s challenging me too! Blessings
“Unoffendable!”
I love that and maybe it should be emblazoned on a T-shirt for women to wear when we gather together! When our first and most important relationship is vertical, it makes all the horizontal stuff so much less jarring.
I think I need one of those T-shirts. 🙂
Janis – I think I may need one too! LOL
Oh Michele! What a brilliant idea! I like the idea of a t-shirt with this on it… hmmmm – I may look into having one made – unless of course you want to? I so need to wear a shirt with that across the front as a constant reminder!
I so love your reminder that when relationship is vertical it makes the horizontal ones less jarring — such wisdom! thank you!
My challenge is unoffendable!! Mainly with my close people. If a person doesn’t know me that well then I normally try to give them the benefit of the doubt but with family especially it is hard to not get on the defensive mode when I feel offended and that’s a great piece of advice. If I actively choose to not get offended then the defense mode can be at rest.
Oh April, mine too… it is so hard to not take things personal or to as my dad always told me to let things just roll off my back. LOL Thank for sharing your struggle with it too – it’s a great reminder for us all…. Here we are together – choosing to be unoffendable!
Forgiving is so powerful, yet we are so slow to do it (or at least I am!) God does great things in our hearts when we forgive.
Rebecca – you are so right – forgiveness is such a powerful tool that in the past I would withhold. I have learned that the quicker I forgive – the quicker healing comes, but sometimes the hurt is so painful I withhold forgiveness. Blessings
Being unoffendable is so hard but so necessary isn’t it. Good words. laurensparks.net
Lauren, you are so right, it is so hard but it’s also a must! Thank you 🙂
Don’t we all need these reminders! Our battle isn’t with people, but the enemy takes it there. So true, Debbie. I’ve been working on being unoffendable the past couple of years, but it’s harder than I realized. I wish everyone else could be unoffendable too. 🙂
Thanks for sharing my post from last week about books. I do love reading in any spare time I have!
Lisa, YES! I so need these reminders, sometimes on a daily if not weekly basis. I agree, being unoffendable is so very hard. Just when I think I have won a victory in this area there comes a moment and I realize I have a long way to go. You are most welcome for sharing about your post and book recommendation from last week. Blessings
It’s so hard – all of it and especially to not take the bait! Like Jesus didn’t in front of Pilate. I forget to think of Satan’s attack before an event or ministry venture. Thanks for this great reminder, Debbie. Hope all is well!
Sue, yes, it is hard to not take the bait. You are most welcome for the reminder and things are going great. I hope all is well with you too! Blessings
Debbie – I needed this post today. It has been a hard week few weeks with relationships. The four necessities are spot on. I struggle the most with “Be Unoffendable.” However, not in all relationships. I failed at that this week and spent a day reeling in self-pity, feeling inadequate, and being less than. Yikes, what a waste of a day. You are so right satan loves it. Thank you for your wise words.
I hope you will consider linking up with Grace & Truth on my website. I know my readers would benefit from your amazing words.
Maree – I am so glad you found the post just when you needed it. I have been in a season (long 6+ months of hard relationship stuff) so I am writing from a place of “I needed to hear this too” and this is what I am learning. I agree! Being Unoffendable is a tough one – But not to worry if you failed, or feel inadequate – the good news is – Jesus forgives us and He is adequate enough for everyone and everything.
You are the Grace & Truth Host now?!!! How exciting – Yes, I will plan to come ink up with you! I have been in a crazy busy season and not linking up very much – But I look forward to joining you !! Blessing
What a wonderful post, Debbie. The four steps aren’t easy, but they are so necessary! Remaining unoffendable and keeping the love on are my goals!
Peace and grace,
Tammy
Thank you so much Tammy! You are so right – they are not easy – but oh so very necessary! Remaining unoffendable is my goal too and I am getting better but I’ve had my moments in the last few months. Blessings
I can so relate to this! Being in pastoral ministry is not for the faint of heart.
Oh Elizabeth – you are so right – it is not for the faint of heart… this season has been particularly brutal on me. I am glad another person can relate with being in pastoral ministry. Thank you! Blessings
Such great words. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you Patrick!