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“Just who does she think she is?” my friend whispered as she leaned in even closer in the already tightly confined and crowded space. We were awkwardly standing around the dance floor in an overcrowded dance club. I looked up to see the “She” my friend was referring to. She was the life of the party, the girl everyone wanted to talk to and be seen with. The girl all the boys wanted to dance with. I watched as the girl flipped her hair and laughed an oddly nervous laugh. She was obnoxious, loud and making a lot of commotion. I could tell she was used to being the center of attention.
I kind of had to agree with my friend, and so I replied, “I know, right? Yeah, who does she think she is!?!
“If she thinks she’s going to make a move on my guy she had better think twice!” my friend said through gritted teeth.
“Do you know her?” I asked
My friend nodded her head and said she was a local in the town and a regular at the dance club.
“Oh, and which one is your guy,” I asked wide eyed as I continued to watch this girl. I wasn’t from around there. I hadn’t really ever been allowed to attended dances so the whole scene in front of me was rather new territory. But anyone could see the girl was confident, overly so boarding on arrogant. She had an “I’m better than you” attitude that went with it. She knew how to work a room and she definitely knew how to turn the boys’ heads.
For just a minute, I was just as outraged as my friend. I was making judgements and accusing someone I didn’t know. I only had my friend’s assessment of this person to go on. I had one foot ready to board the offense train. I wanted to show support for my friend. I took on her anger as my own. I wanted her to know I supported her wholeheartedly. The problem was, I had no problem with this particular girl. I didn’t even know her.
It’s true I didn’t care for what I observed, but it didn’t give me the right to make a judgement against her. I didn’t even know her, and yet I was all too eager to join my friend in her offense directed towards this girl.
All aboard! …
Yes, the call had gone out, the trap was set. I stood with my hand on the railing and one foot on the step of the train with the other foot still on the ground. Sadly, I was all too ready to jump on and ride the train with a one way ticket all the way to offense town with my friend.
As an adult, looking back, I can see just how crazy it was. Yes, the story may seem humorous, but the reality of it is this scenario still plays out today. It might not be picking up an offense from our high school girlfriend over a boy, but we pick up an offense none-the-less.
#Offense has a subtle way of working its way into our hearts and our conversations. Share on X
Offense enters in when we feel or think an injustice or a wrong has been done. It may be the truth, or it may just be our perception of it. Offense has a subtle way of working its way into our hearts and our conversations. It is an open door for the enemy to come in and mess with our emotions and destroy relationships. When we are hurt by someone we care about, look up to our are in authority over us, we must be careful to guard our hearts against offense.
#Offense is unavoidable, but we don’t have to accept it or let it attach itself to us. Share on X
We must remember, our battle isn’t against flesh and blood people (Eph 6: 12). We have a real enemy that is unseen. He prowls around seeking whom he can devour (1 Peter 5:8) and he stops at nothing to trap us. “The Bait of Satan.” is the title of John Bevere’s book on the topic of offense and I think the title sums it up pretty well. Offense is going to come, satan intends it to trap us and for it to destroy us, but God always turns it around for His good. Offense is unavoidable, but we don’t have to accept it or let it attach itself to us.
There are many examples of how to handle or not handle offense in the Bible, but I am just going to mention two.
A perfect example on how to handle offense comes from Abraham and Lot. More than once, Abraham showed how to navigate offense and refused to be offended at Lot. (Gen 13:7-16, Gen 14:12-16).
A perfect example of how not to handle offense is Saul and David. Saul became offended because of the way people treated and sang praises about David. From that moment on, Saul was jealous of David and sought to kill him. (1 Sam 18:6-16, 29).
Micheal Hyatt says: Being offended is a choice. You get to decide how you react to the wrongdoing of others.
Just as we can’t take offense when it comes directly at us, we need to not pick up an offense on behalf of another person. We must remember that there are two sides to every story. When someone causes hurt or pain to someone we love, we must not pick up their offense. Instead we walk with them through it. We help them assess and forgive so they don’t get stuck aboard a runaway train headed straight to offense town.
If we know that offense is going to come, then how do we deal with it? Here are some key things to remember as you begin to navigate your escape from “offense town.’
Keys to Escape Offense Town
Forgive
Forgiveness is a choice. It is something God speaks very clearly about in Scripture. Forgiveness is a key in so many aspects of the life of the believer. If we choose not to forgive, it opens a door for the enemy to come in and hold us hostage in a place God never chose us to be.
Choose to Believe the Best
Being unoffendable means we choose to believe the best about people. It isn’t always an easy thing to do, especially if you’ve been hurt. The Bible tell us only God sees the heart, which means we do not. We need to remember, while we may discern something, or have some knowledge of someone’s actions, we still do not know what is in their hearts. We need to choose to believe the best about them and trust God.
Pray
When offense comes, and it will come, we must pray. We need to pray against it taking root in our hearts and ask God what our part is, which may also lead to our repentance. Through prayer, we ask God to close the door to the enemy and not allow offense access. We then pray and ask for the strength to continue to choose forgiveness and to believe the best in the other person.
Healthy Confrontation
Yes, confrontation can and is a healthy part of relationship. Danny Silk talks about this in his book “Keep Your Love on.” There are times when we need to speak the truth in love or even say, this hurt me, or wasn’t kind. Confrontation is not something we need to run from, it is something that we need to embrace to strengthen our relationships. We aren’t always going to agree with one another, but we can still love each other.
Love & Bless
We need to extend love and blessings towards the people who caused offense. The Bible says to love and bless and do not curse. When we curse or talk bad about someone else, you are giving the enemy legal ground in your life.
In order to not let offense, take root, we have to lay down our rights and our right to be right. We have to trust God and walk in a continual flow of releasing love, blessings and forgiveness towards others.
Do not let offense take root, instead release #love and #blessings towards others. Share on X
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It’s Almost time for the August ‘Dare to… 5-Day Monthly Challenge’
It’s simple and easy and won’t require much of your time, but the benefits will be great. It’s a win – win – win… A win in a your relationship with God, a win in developing relationships with others, and a win in your own personal development.
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*Watch for my FB live video this Sunday August 11 revealing what August’s challenge will be.
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Check out the NEW Podcast from @Dare2Hear Episode 18: Dreams 101 Share on X
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Debbie Kitterman is a natural born encourager who is on fire for God. She is passionate about equipping individuals, so they can go deeper in the relationship with God, reach their God-potential and claim their Kingdom inheritance. Debbie is a wife, mother, author, pastor, speaker and the founder of “Dare 2 Hear,” a ministry that trains individuals to hear the voice of God. She travels to churches internationally and is the founder and teacher of d2htraining.com, an online course designed to equip the believer in releasing God’s heart. Her writing and teachings inspire faith and build bridges for people to believe and expect the impossible. She is also an ordained Foursquare pastor, currently serving with her husband, John, as senior pastor of Restoration Church in Lacey, Washington. Learn more at: www.debbiekitterman.com
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YouVersion 7-Day Devotional
I am blessed and honored to have a 7-day devotional on the YouVersion Bible App. YAY!!! It is a great way to kick start the 7- days before my on-line Bible Study starts next week. I would be so blessed if you would check it out and share it with your friends. You can find it here: Be The Gift Someone Needs Today!
Have you had the opportunity to read my new book “The Gift of Prophetic Encouragement: Hearing the Words of God for others.” ? This book is about learning to hear the voice of God in our own life so we can respond to those God bumps and little nudges He gives us on a daily basis. God is calling us to be agents of encouragement and to be the gift the worlds needs today.
We live in a time, where those around us are in desperate need of a real encounter with Jesus and in need of encouragement. We are called to encourage one another daily (Hebrews 3:13), and to build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). My book will teach you how to step out and do just that.
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Debbie,
I am learning, albeit slowly, to not take offense. You’re right – it IS a choice. Too often I have been quick to assume things that weren’t true. When we assume, more often than not, we are wrong in our assumptions. Learning to give people the benefit of the doubt and pray for them, rather than rally against them are good avenues. Great tips for avoiding the temptation to take offense!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Hi Bev!
I am still in the learning process too. Just when I think I’m good, I get an opportunity to put being unoffendable into practice… I so agree we need to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt more than we already do. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for linking up this week. Blessings.
This is a perfect example of a time when the Golden Rule is our best line of defense. I would be so hurt and discouraged if others immediately assigned evil motives to my actions. Thanks for leading us into light here, Debbie!
So very true Michele! Keeping the Golden Rule in mind will hopefully help us from boarding the train. I too would be hurt if others immediately thought the worst of me or my actions. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Timely – just took offense this morning and blew it in my reaction – but the Holy Spirit worked quickly. How I wish I would have submitted to Him first and saved many hurtful words and thoughts! Growing little by little…
Paris… sorry that you had something happened that caused offense, but love that the Holy Spirit worked it out quickly. Don’t you wish that happened all the time? I’ve been there too – but you have it correct, we grow little by little and God’s extends much GRACE to us.
Dealing with offense in a healthy way (for the other person and for us) can make a huge difference. It’s hard. But it’s good.
Amen Rebecca! Yes, in a healthy way is so the key. But it’s not always easy.
Great post, Debbie! It’s so true, we make the choice to be offended. Loved all of your points – especially that we do need to confront, but we can do it in a loving manner.
Thank you, Jerralea! Confrontation is never easy – I used to run from it, but done in a healthy and loving manner everyone can grow.Thanks for sharing and linking up this week.
Such a pertinent message for today. laurensparks.net
Thanks Lauren.
This is one I try to do the most: “Being unoffendable means we choose to believe the best about people.” Brant Hansen’s book Unoffendable is my very favorite books on this topic! It really helps me everytime I read it.
Lisa, I haven’t ever heard or read Brant’s book Unoffendable. I am going to have to check it out. Thanks for sharing this new resource. Blessings
What an excellent post, packed full of wisdom. Although it is hard at times; when I choose to see the best in others life is better. I find giving others the benefit of the doubt works best for everyone. Thank you – Maree
Thank you Maree! Choosing to see and believe the best about others can be hard especially when we are hurting, but it is a key. Thanks for being here this week. I still have to come visit your Grace & Truth linkup too.
This is so good! We definitely live in a time when offenses abound. Time to be vigilant that we aren’t easily offended.
Thank you Elizabeth! You are so right, we must be vigilant.