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I hope you don’t mind me being real, authentic, transparent.
I am staring at the cursor on my computer screen on the evening before my self-imposed deadline for a new blog post to go live and I have nothing.
Yep, literally nothing.
I rack my brain for events from this past week that I could write on, that would draw you in, but I come up empty. I have nothing.
Then, I start to compare myself to all the other bloggers out there and wonder, how do they post 2, 3, or even 5 new posts a week?!! Where do they get their material and inspiration from? Then, I get discouraged. I promised myself over a month ago when I began my 5 part series on dreams that I would begin to write up a plan for future posts. I had grand ideas of getting ahead on my blog post and ideas. I was going to create and follow an editorial calendar, which I read about on Nikki’s blog – The View from in Here. I discovered her post at one of the parties I link-up to.
You see, this whole blogging thing is new to me. I have known for some time that I was supposed to start blogging, but it scared me. Literally. I was scared about all sorts of things. Here’s just a sampling:
- Not understanding what to do and how to do it.
- Saying something that was controversial.
- Scared about my writing – was it good enough?
- What if I used too many “that’s” or repeated myself, or wasn’t clear in what I was saying.
- Oh and grammar and punctuation – yeah, not my strong point. What if I missed a comma or I used a colon when there should have been a semicolon???
- Would anyone care that I even had a blog?
- Blah, blah, blah – the list goes on
I made my first attempt at blogging back in 2009. I wasn’t consistent, and I had NO clue what I was doing; still don’t actually. I had a reader comment once that she really enjoyed what I was sharing, but that I wasn’t very consistent was I?
I am sure she meant it to spur me into being more consistent, but it had the opposite effect. I quit. I’m not really a quitter – but in this I was. Also, later in that same year, God spoke to me and said, “It’s time.”
My response: “What? It’s time for what?”
“It’s time to write a book.” He replied.
Huh? Who Me?
I had just finished writing a training manual to teach people to hear God’s voice. So, what could He be talking about? I ignored that voice and tried to put it out of my mind. However, a very good friend said to me one day over lunch – “God says it’s time.”
Say what?!? No way, not going to do it. I was trying hard to ignore the thought of writing again so soon. The whole blog thing wasn’t going so well and writing is literally a spiritual battle for me. Or at least it was back then and still sometimes is.
I am sure you are wondering why writing is a spiritual battle for me. So here it is: I have always wanted to be a writer from a very young age. As a kid, I would write poetry, short stories, and dreamed of one day being a published author. All that came to a screeching halt when I was in college and I took a creative writing class as an elective. The professor was less than kind (in my opinion) and during a peer review/critique session while she was handing back our papers. She stopped at my desk and said “I’m not sure what you are thinking, or why you are in this class” I heard – – “you can’t write.” Honestly, I am not sure if she said “you can’t write,” but I definitely felt like it was implied. I sat quietly in my peer group after that. I was frozen, in shock, I was embarrassed, I was filled with shame, and felt my deepest desire and my dream had just been trampled on and smashed to a thousand tiny bits. As soon as class ended, I promptly marched to the registrar’s office and dropped the class, vowing to never write again.
Which I didn’t for years. Long story short, yes, I have forgiven that professor. Yes, I have worked through and received healing in this area. But, it is also an area because of that situation that the enemy will whisper lies and my insecurities come to the surface. Sometimes I catch the lies right away, and I don‘t listen; other times, I take the bait and get reeled in by the taunting and the lies. Especially when it came to writing the training manual. The whole process was a battle of renewing my mind, standing on the Word of God, and pushing the enemy back. It was emotionally exhausting to be in a spiritual battle, and yet felt, like my dream was coming alive again. It didn’t get finished in a year, but now, God was asking me to write again.
Seriously?
I stalled, argued with God, and dragged my feet for about 8 months before I finally relented and submitted to what the Lord was asking me to do. You would think, I would have learned that He always wins, and it doesn’t do me any good to argue with Him. After all, His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). The book has taken me 5 years, but it is nearing the end. I am relieved, I am exhausted. I am filled with anticipation, and honestly, a little uncertainty.
But wait, God’s not finished with me yet …. about two years ago, my board talked to me about starting a blog. More fear, more uncertainty, more remembering failure from before. I was still in the midst of the book project, but I knew they were right; I just didn’t know where to begin or what to do. Then, a year ago, another one of my best friends moved away – clear across the country. She told me I had to come visit and that I should join her at a Christian bloggers conference in her new city.
A What? Seriously?? There was such a thing as a blogging conference?
I went, mostly to see my friend, but also, because I was being obedient to what I felt God was prompting me to do and what my ministry board had confirmed.
It was at Allume in October 2014 that I venturing into the world of blogging. I was inspired, I was informed, I had a game plan. It was a whole new world! (Go ahead and insert Jasmine from Aladdin singing.)
I was feeling overwhelmed – not really feeling things were crystal clear like the song says, but it was exciting. Seven months later, I finally had a new redesigned website, with a blog section and I posted my first article.
I have been blogging for almost 6 months. My goal in the beginning of this process was to post 1 new article a week – every Thursday. At times doubts, fears, and uncertainty find their way into my thoughts. Lately, I have found myself in the comparison game, which leads to discouragement, envy, pride, insecurities, and striving for success – doing it all in my own strength. I know all of these things are not Christ-like, but here I find myself nonetheless.
Recently, Deb Wolf at Counting my Blessings said: Comparison is the thief of happiness. Jann Cobb at JannCobb.com said: Comparison is the thief of Joy. They are both right, but I’ve been stuck, until…..
Until, I get a copy of Simply Tuesday by Emily P Freeman. I was completely unprepared for how this book would minister to me. It has spoken to things in me that I hadn’t known were there or even been able to articulate. I’ve been in a state of quiet contemplation and soul searching. I’m still there in fact. For months, I have been constantly drawn to God’s words in Psalms – Be Still and Know that I am God (Psalm 46:10). I even wrote a blog post on it.
I feel like I’m still in a phase of trying to find “my voice” as I write each week. There are still so many things to learn about this blogging thing, and I am looking forward to returning to Allume 2015. Not just to see my friend, but to meet many of my new virtual friends in person and gain more knowledge.
Thanks for joining me this week as I process out loud. Feel free to share any tidbit, or piece of advice you think may help. Blessings.
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GIVEAWAY 
I just LOVE gifts, and I love free stuff too. So, as promised, one blessed person will win their very own copy of the book Simply Tuesday. Keep it for yourself or give it as a gift to someone else – Christmas is only 13 weekends away!!!
Reminder the current Book giveaway ends Monday October 5th
Don’t forget to go comment and share the Book Review Monday post from September 21st to enter for your chance to win a copy of Simply Tuesday. Plus while you are there, use the Raffle-Copter for extra chances to win.
Look for my next Book Review Monday – The Chase by Kyle and Kelsey Kupecky coming Monday September 28th.
My Post: “Will You Sit with Me?” was featured here:
My Post: “The Journey through Change” was featured here:
I have been know to link to the following Inspirational Parties:
Sunday’s
Monday’s
What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings
Tuesday’s
Wednesday’s
Thursday’s
Friday’s:
Saturday’s:
Awe. Well I think you are doing just fine! I’ve only been blogging for eight months, and I have had the same wonderings you do about how people come up with content, not just once a week, but 7 times a week! There have been times when I have said to my husband, I have no idea what I’m going to blog about (my self-imposed deadlined the next day), but I know the Lord will provide the content, and He always does. 🙂
The blog post you shared today is what I find people like the most. When we are being authentic and sharing from the heart. After all, our story is our story, no one elses. So our blogs won’t look like theirs, but will be unique to the experiences the Lord will use in our lives to share and testify of His work in our lives and to bring Glory to Him.
May God continue to bless your writing as He leads you blog post by blog post. 🙂
I’m so glad I visited today!
Karen, THANK YOU! I am so glad you visited today too. Plus, I am so glad that I am not the only one who wonders how others come up with so many posts. Thank you also for your encouragement and I do always try to be authentic and transparent, so its good to know I am on the right track. I hopped on over to your blog and in fact I’ve stopped in several times before 🙂
You have only been blogging for 8 months? Wow that is fantastic and again thank you for sharing your wisdom – even if you are only a few ore months down the road than I am, you are still able to give me wisdom from your journey and I greatly appreciate it. Many blessings to you as you continue to write and I will continue to allow God to lead – one post at a time. Again, thank you — Such great wisdom!!!!
I really enjoyed your honesty. This story has really blessed my heart. Keep it up, great job! I’m new to blogging and I was really nervous and still am. I’ve always loved to write but only recently has God called me to do what I’m doing now.
Miss Debbie, I hear myself within your words. I feel the call to teach, write, publish and do God’s work. But how? I’m not worthy of the task. I’m not smart enough, or experience enough. I’m not educated. I’m just a girl with an overwhelming sense of responsibility and failure. My mind travels in so many directions, and half of the time I’m not sure which thought to track. However, I’m learning. I’m Praying. I’m Listening. And I’m stubborn. And I’m working on that. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable and transparent. I would have never guessed that you struggle to write, you’re so powerful! I can’t wait to dive in and read more!! Love you!!
I’ve only been blogging since January. My goal has been twice a week. What do I write about?
Every morning, during my quiet time, I read a chapter and wait for the Lord to point something out. Then I copy that scripture down and journal about it. I ask questions. I think deeply and wait for His response. Sometimes I get very little. But most of the time I feel like I’m truly sitting at the feet of my Master and learning just from Him. That’s what I blog.
Sometimes I get discouraged. I have a handful of followers and very few comments. I too feel like no one is paying much attention. But, then I think that what I write is out there for anyone to read at any time, and who know, maybe years from now someone will find my blog and be really truly blessed by it.
You know, one of the greatest promises that we receive from the Father is that if we ask Him, He’ll give us wisdom. When we ask for His attention we certainly get it!
I’ll be following your blog. Keep up the good work!
Debbie, it’s great to be real!! I resonate with a great deal of what you have written here. I, too, had a nudge to write from early childhood and even had a great time doing it when I was much younger and was offered an option to be a “stringer” for a local newspaper. I learned a lot and loved it, but certainly made very little money. Life took me into a teaching position when our children were in school to start a college fund and then I went to graduate school and became a professional clinical counselor. Within that time, I seemed to have little time to write and risked sharing an article with someone who was a supposed editor for a publishing house. That turned out to shut down any thought of writing for more than 15 years because she gave me no encouragement, constructive suggestions, etc. Instead I heard her say things that caused me to see myself as just slightly about the village idiot for considering the possibility.
Then in February I got a notification about a Writers Boot Camp taught by one of my favorite Christian authors. I wondered for days if I should go and if it was too late to consider it even though I am retired now for a year and finally there is time to do it. I felt the Lord clearly nudged me to attend and the advance homework was to set up a website and start posting blogs to it. I found a friend who knew graphic arts to help me set up the site, took a thimble full of courage and made my first post in May.
Long story short…..the boot camp was outstanding and I am onboard for as long as the Lord leads. Do I still wonder? Yes!!!!! I learned at the boot camp even accomplished and published authors do that. Do I sometimes wonder what I will write? Yep!! One thing I learned at the camp was to be an avid reader in a diverse number of areas. That was a help that often will give me an idea.
Let me encourage you to hang in there and let the Lord lead. This community of blogging sisters in Christ seems to have a mission even though we may not know to whom or why or even if we hit the mark. I still think He is using each of us and what each of us writes is supposed to look different because the folks who read it are all very different as well.
God bless!!
I think so many more of us can relate to your story than you would ever suspect. 🙂 I’ve been blogging for over 2 years now, and in so many ways I still feel like a newbie. It’s good, though, because if I had this whole thing figured out, I wouldn’t need to rely on the Lord like I do now. Thanks for sharing with us at Grace and Truth last week!
Jen @ Being Confident of This
That is good you forgave this teacher. I think you are a very talented writer and I’m glad you have started your blog. I think your articles are very encouraging and real. Keep up the good work! Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week 🙂
Hey Deb! I’m late in commenting even though I read this post when it first came out. Blame it on the fact that I’ve been reviewing posts in bed with my iPad and can never remember the password to sign in and leave a comment.
As evidenced by the thread of thought that seems to run throughout all the comments, most of us struggle with writing and believing that we have the ability to write. Even when our friends and followers tell us we have a gift for writing and urge us to keep it up we receive the encouragement for awhile and then fall right back into self doubt. I think you are onto something when you say it’s a spiritual battle. Perhaps the enemy is threatened by God’s words pouring into our minds and then pouring back out onto the written page where they will touch not just US but reach hundreds, even thousands of people in need of encouragement.
I’ve been in a great spiritual battle with regard to writing myself lately. I know how hard it can be to push through but there are those who have read your writing and have signed on to follow because you touched them in some way. Those people are waiting for your next blog post. They are the ones who see your name in their email notification and get excited to read what you’ve written. Yours is the blog post they save and set aside to read later when they can fully savor the words you’ve written.
Keep on keeping on my friend. We’ll have time to talk and encourage each other soon. Looking forward to Allume and to having you here in our home again.
Hugs,
Patti